


Myrna's Hetalia Ficlet and Headcanon Collection

by MyrnaMaeve



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: A Kiss Under the Mistletoe, All Countries are Multi-lingual, America being obnoxious, America's Stupid Jokes, Canadian Rage, Crack, Dancing Cactus, Dhampir, Drunk Prussia, General Awesomeness, Lots of Secrets, Magic, Magical Creatures and Spirits, Magical Shenanigans, Mention of Pancakes, Multi, Nation Speak, Nation Stepping, Octopus Alfred, Pigeons, Poor Attempt at Engrish, Russia's Scary Aura, Secrets, Sharknado - Freeform, Supernatural Elements, Swimming with Sharks - Freeform, broken doors, fancy pigeons, holiday party, lycanthropy, muse magazine, my muse is muse, random facts, shark punching, the magazine of life the universe and pie throwing
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-12-18
Updated: 2014-10-10
Packaged: 2018-01-05 02:07:48
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 2,383
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1088341
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MyrnaMaeve/pseuds/MyrnaMaeve
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>So I was rereading some older issues of Muse magazine, and my imagination spawned this. Enjoy!<br/>EDIT: Well, it spawned the first chapter, anyway. The rest just kind of... happened.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Pigeons

**Pigeons**

"My Polish Owl **[1]** is, like, way cuter than your Italian Owl **[2]** , Lovino!" **  
**

"Shut up, _stronzo_! At least my pigeon isn't fat like the wine bastard's!

"Hmmph! You simply 'ave no appreciation for the simple elegance of my French Mondain."

"My Oriental Frill is far mor elegant, aru!"

"Yes, well my English Pouter is obviously the most beautiful! Look at the sheen of its feathers, the proudness of its stance!"

*crash*

"HEY IGGY I THINK I BROKE YOUR DOO- what are you doing."

"Showing off our fancy pigeons, what does it look li- WAIT, WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU BROKE MY DOOR? ALFRED!!!"

* * *

 **[1]** Not actually an owl. It's a pigeon that's bred to be tiny and almost beakless, and it has huge owl-like eyes.

 **[2]** Again, not actually an owl. It's a pigeon that's bred to be almost beakless, but its eyes are more normal in size.

 

But yeah. There are a LOT of different pigeon breeds, and people really do show them off in pieon shows. Look up the National Pigeon Association if you don't believe me.


	2. Headcanons of the Supernatural and Fantastical Genre

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I may add to these at a later date, if I come up with any more.

Romano "inherited" one thing from Ancient Rome that Veneziano didn't: lycanthropy. The only ones who know Romano's secret are Ancient Rome, Germania (who also knew of Rome's lycanthropy), and Romania. Veneziano doesn't know, and Romano never wants him to find out. Romano only told Romania because 1) Romania knows a LOT about the supernatural/fantastical and 2) Romania is technically his cousin (and Veneziano's cousin as well), and as such he trusts him.

On the day of the full moon Romano will come up with some sort of excuse as to why he won't be home that night, then leaves and goes to Romania's house (well, one of them. The one that's a castle in the mountains). He and Romania will talk until just before nightfall, at which point Romano will go to his room (yes, he has his own room in Romania's castle, seeing as he's there at least once a month) and remove his clothes so they don't get ripped up or destroyed when he transforms. After he transforms, he either leaves his room to hang out with Romania or lies down on his bed and sleeps until morning, when he gets dressed and goes home.

Romano retains his human self when he transforms, but he still prefers to stay with Romania at the castle when he does, just in case, because he knows that he can trust Romania if something happens.

  **[** _Justification/Explanation:_ _According to myth, Romlus and Remus, twins sons of the mortal Rhea Silvia and the god Mars, were taken from their mother by their mortal great-uncle and given to a servant, who was told to throw the infant twins in the river. The servant merely placed the two infants on the banks of the river instead, where they were found by the she-wolf Lupa. Instead of eating them, Lupa cared for and raised Romulus and Remus. This is why I believe the perosnification of Ancient Rome was a werewolf/lycan._

_As to why Romano inherited lycanthropy and Veneziano didn't, the reason is fairly simple. Romano represents Southern Italy AND Rome, while Veneziano represents Northern Italy and Venice. That's not to say that Romano and Veneziano are the personifications of Rome and Venice, but rather that Rome and Venice are part of what they represent._

_Why did I refer to Romania as the Italies' cousin? Well, the area that is now Romania was once a province of Rome, and the name Romania itself derives from the Latin_ romanus _, meaning "citizen of rome". Romanian is also a Romance language, like Italian. My theory/headcanon is that Ancient Rome was the grandfather of both the Italies' and Romania, but that the Italies' and Romania had different parents. I do not consider any of the other nations that were past Roman provinces to be their cousins at this time, although this may change in the future as I learn more about history._ **]**

Romania is not a vampire. He is a dhampir, or half-vampire (which is why he has fangs and red eyes). As such, he doesn't have to drink blood (though he will if he can get it), he can walk in the sunlight, and is not affected by any of the traditional vampire weaknesses (crosses, holy water, garlic, aconite/wolfsbane, etc). The only ones who know are Romano, Hungary, Norway, England, and Ireland.

 

Iceland can see magical creatures and spirits, he just pretends not to. America, Canada, and Sealand are the same.

 

England, Scotland, Ireland, and Wales all inherited magic from their mother, Britannia.

 

All nations can see ghosts, though some can see them better than others (Veneziano, Romano, England, Scotland, Ireland, Wales, Romania, Japan, America, Canada, and Prussia).

 

Russia can see magical creatures and spirits, but his aura/presence is so terrifying that they never come near him. As such, he is unaware of his ability.

 

America and Canada can commune with the spirits and creatures of Native American mythology, as well as summon them and borrow their abilities. They keep this secret, especially from England.

 

Greece can see magical creatures and spirits; he just never bothered to tell anybody. He still prays and offers (food) sacrfices to the Greek gods and goddesses, and he talks with them from time to time.

 

Sealand and Seychelles can breathe underwater.

**[** _Justification/Explanation: They are both rather small and surrounded on all sides by large amounts of water. I think it would just make sense if they had the ability to breathe in said water._ **]**

 

Romania hunts rogue vampires and werewolves in his spare time. Sometimes Romano helps.

 

Veneziano and Romano can perform exorcisms, as can Prussia.

**[** _Justification/Explanation: Veneziano and Romano are related to the Vatican; Prussia once represented an order of monks/priests/religious knights. It just makes sense._ **]**

 

Prussia knows that magic and the supernatural exist, he just acts like he doesnt. He knows how to protect himself and other from both magic and the supernatural, and he has his room heavily warded against them. Prussia also lightly warded the entire house (and heavily warded his brother's room) without Germany's knowledge and permission; he (Germany) still doesn't know. Prussia hopes that he never will.

**[** _Justification/Explanation: Again, Prussia once represesented an order of monks/priests/religious knights. It just makes sense that he would know this kind of stuff and would want to use his knowledge to protect his little brother._ **]**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you want to hear my justifications/explanations for my headcanons, feel free to ask in the comments. I'd be more than happy to explain my reasoning.
> 
> EDIT: I have added my justifications/explanations for some of the headcanons in the chapter. Because I can and I'm bored.


	3. Headcanons on Personifications and Language

All personifications (nations, micronations, states, territories, cities, etc) have the ability to "nation step" (as I call it); that is, they can, for lack of a better word teleport from one location to another, as long as the destination is on "solid" ground (not necessarily land; it could be a sea fort or the like). The teleportation is more or less instantaneous; however, it is rather draining if they are not in their own country, especially over very long distances, such as across the Atlantic Ocean or from one end of a continent to the other. As such they prefer to use conventional means of transportation in order to travel long distances and will usually only resort to the use of nation stepping in the case of an emergency. Usually. Some nations have more energy than others, and thus use nation stepping more often. 

They cannot "nation step" onto/into: boats, ships, helicopters, airplanes, trains, cars, buses, helicarriers, the TARDIS, etc.

 

Personifications have a special language that only they can understand, dubbed "nation speak", and another language that all people can understand, dubbed "all speak". All personifications know how to use both nation speak and all speak from the moment they are "born". 

Majority of personifications know English, along with their native language(s), nation speak, and all speak.

 

All nations have the ability to pull certain objects out of hammerspace (weapons of various size, musical instruments, etc). Hence how Austria can play his piano in the ocean.

 

America's national language is English, but he is also more or less fluent in Spanish and knows bits and pieces of French, Arabic, Chinese, Dutch, Vietnamese, Finnish, German, Russian, Hebrew, Irish, Italian, Polish, Portuguese, Scottish Gaelic, Swedish, and Welsh. He is also fluent in several Native American languages.

 

Canada's official languages are English and French, but he also knows bits and pieces of Chinese, Spanish, German, and Italian (he doesn't know as much as America, though), as well as the basics of Russian.

 

Veneziano, Romano, and Romania are all fluent in Latin.


	4. Holiday Ficlet

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's a bit late for a holiday ficlet, but oh well!

**USUK, i.e. America/England, i.e. Alfred F. Jones/Arthur Kirkland**

Arthur couldn't understand why the collective bosses of the various UN nations had thought it would be a good idea to throw them a holiday party, considering the utter disaster and chaos that had happened the last time. Nor did he understand why Francis had insisted on dragging him to the party even after he had stated in no uncertain terms that he didn't plan on going. Now here he was, leaning against the wall with a glass of punch in his hand.

 _Wouldn't do to dwell on that now..._  he thought, bringing the glass up to his lips only to find that it was empty. Letting out a sigh, he went to the refreshments table and refilled his drink. He wandered around a bit, taking the occasional sip from his drink, and he was wondering if he had remembered to set the Doctor Who Christmas Special to record when someone ran into him, and he accidentally spilled his drink on his shirt.

"Oh, bugger!" Arthur spat, glaring down at his shirt.

"Heh, sorry dude!" A familiar voice said somewhat sheepishly, and Arthur looked up to see Alfred standing in front of him. "I wasn't watching where I was going!"

"Well, you should have," Arthur said. He could never seem to stay angry at the American, for some reason. "But I accept your apology."

Alfred smiled and opened his mouth to reply, only to stop when something appeared in the air between them and went to hover above their heads. Looking at it, Arthur frowned slightly, a faint blush on his cheeks. Mistletoe. Of course. He should have expected this.

He looked back at Alfred only to blink when he saw a slight blush on the man's cheeks. He couldn't possibly feel the same way... could he?

Neither of them moved for what seemed like ages.

"Oh, bugger it all," Athur said, grabbing Alfred and pulling him down for a kiss. A very long, rather heated kiss. When they pulled away from each other, both their faces were flushed, and everyone was staring at them.

"It's 'bout time ye got off with him **[1]** , Arthur!"

"Sod off, Cailin **[2]**!"

 **[1]**  get off with someone= make out with/kiss someone, Irish Slang

 **[2]**  Cailin= The personification of Ireland, and Arthur's older (and only) sister


	5. Some PruCan

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I give unto thee a silly ficlet.

"Biiiirdiieee... I want pancaaakes..." Gilbert whined, his voice slightly slurred.

Matthew sighed. "Gilbert, you're drunk."

"Jou're sexy," Gilbert retorted.

Matthew blushed. "Gilbert!"


	6. Stupid Joke

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just... just read it.

"Hey!"

"..."

"Hey!"

"..."

"Hey Iggy!"

"Damnit Alfred, I'm trying to read! What on earth do you want?"

"Guess what!"

"What."

"Hell has frozen over!"

"..."

"Hell, Michigan! Get it? Ha ha ha ha ha!"

"... that's the dumbest joke I've ever heard."

*awkward silence*

"Well, I thought it was funny."

* * *

Bonus Headcanon: Germany, Prussia, and England all have reading glasses. Prussia denies it, though. He thinks they're "unawesome".

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Reasoning Behind the Joke: Today, the 24th of January 2014, the temperature in Hell, Michigan is approximately 16 degrees Fahrenheit. Thus, Hell has frozen over.
> 
> Coincidentally, Stephen Colbert used the sentence, "Well, I thought it was funny," to describe his life for the six-word autobiography challenge. I got this information from a legitimate source.


	7. The Quest for the Missing Puzzle Piece

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Very crack-ish.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I was in Creative Writing, and we were doing a warm-up exercise... and then this happened. I hope you enjoy. Also, I apologize for the Engrish. I tried.

Kiku was eating a bowl of rice while working on an anime puzzle when he noticed that there was a piece missing.

"I must go on a quest to rocate the missing puzzre piece," he declared to his dog, Pochi. So Kiku slung his katana on his back, grabbed his trusty camera, and set off to find the missing puzzle piece, his loyal dog Pochi at his side.

Kiku and Pochi soon came across a strange dancing cactus wearing a fedora and a fake wizard beard. Pochi barked excitedly.

"You there, cactus! Why are you dancing?" Kiku asked the cactus. But the cactus did not respond, because it was a cactus, and cacti don't have mouths. Kiku shrugged, and he and Pochi continued on.

Soon after their encounter with the dancing cactus, Kiku and Pochi came to a small inland sea that was about the size of a large lake. In this lake-sea lived an octopus-person, and his name was Alfred. Alfred was a good friend of Kiku's, so Kiku decided to ask for his assistance.

"Herro Arfuredo-san, would you rike to herp me find a missing puzzre piece?" Kiku asked.

"Ha ha, sure thing dude! I'm the hero!" Alfred replied loudly, because he was always loud. Alfred then grabbed his awesome ray gun and joined Kiku and Pochi on their quest.

Some time later, the threesome (haha, threesome) came across a large field of beans. In the center of this bean field was a steampunk night club with gears on it; music could be heard coming from inside. Kiku, Alfred, and Pochi went inside, and soon forgot all about the missing puzzle piece because they were having to much fun dancing.

 

**THE END**


	8. HetaSharknado Part 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sharknado + Hetalia

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This will probably make more sense if you at least know the basic plot of Sharknado.

Alfred was walking through the flooded streets of LA, punching sharks left and right. He soon came across Peter swimming in the water.

"Peter, what the fu- freak are you doing here?! You're gonna get yourself killed!"

"Silly Alfred, these sharks can't hurt me!" As if to verify his statement, one of the sharks swam up and tried to bite Peter's leg off, only to break its teeth on Peter's skin. "See? I'm perfectly safe!"

"You're nuts, dude. Now go home so Arthur won't kill me for putting you in danger."

"Aw~... that British jerk of jerks ruins all my fun..." Peter pouted.

"Dude, you're British too."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And thus there was crack. xDDD


	9. HetaSharknado Part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hetalia + Sharknado

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, this will probably make more sense if you know the basic plot of Sharknado. At least a little bit.

Matthew was pissed. All he'd wanted to do was watch the hockey game being played in LA, and now there were sharks in the (flooded) streets and falling out of the goddamn sky. The sharks had also interrupted his hockey game, sending the normally docile and polite (if passive-aggressive) country on warpath.

Nobody, but NOBODY, is allowed to mess with his hockey games.

Now the Canadian was storming through the streets of LA, using his trusty hockey stick to beat any sharks that got in his way into a bloody pulp.

Fucking shark hosers.


End file.
